I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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