I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
