I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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