Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
