Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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