when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
