K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
