u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
