If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
