And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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