...so i touched it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize