I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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