a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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