I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
