Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
