I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
