Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
