Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
