just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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