Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
