dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
