Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
