I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
