Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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