I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
