can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
