I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
