Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
