Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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