Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
