sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's like iHOP with fire
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
