I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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