I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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