I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
