I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
