her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
