i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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