he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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