like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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