can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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