I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
