i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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