I wannas sexs uuuuu
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
