I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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