I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
