i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
