And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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