That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
