But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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