I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
