She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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