No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
