I'm going to rape someone's good day.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
