Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
