I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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