New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
