he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
