Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize