WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
