Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
