Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
