My cat gives me a boner
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
