Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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