im gay
i know
yea but for you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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