Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
