i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
