theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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