i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize