Midget sex pt 2 tonight
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You made out with two different species that night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
