i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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