New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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