I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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