Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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