True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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