This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
