It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
