Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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