I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
