So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
