Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
