Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
