His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
