I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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