You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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