Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
