Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
