I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
