Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
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