i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
