Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
