Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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