why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You are a genius and a whore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
