I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
