Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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