I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
