People with herpes should wear stickers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize