made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize