We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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